On being a pastry…

I heard something a couple of weeks ago that somewhat irks me. Apparently, if you’re unmarried by the time you’re 30 it’s a problem. Specifically, men are untrustworthy at that point and women are no longer any good. The metaphor that’s used for this is the Christmas Cake. This is a cake that is given on the 25th of December and is no longer edible by the 30th.

Apparently, I am this delicious looking confection and this is somehow a bad thing.

Being 27, almost 28, and unmarried is seen as a bad thing.  It bothers me that I catch flack from people for not being in a serious relationship that will lead to marriage.  It’s done out of love by people who are engaged or newly married and want me to live in that happy glow that they’re living in at the moment.  It’s done out of both love and fear by people who worry that I’ll never be “fulfilled” if I’m not married with kids soon.  This bugs me, but I’m used to it.  For some reason though, being called a pastry makes me alternately laugh and grit my teeth in anger.  Why are men no longer trustworthy after 30?  Why are women no good after 30?  What if they were late-bloomers or just concentrated on their work? 

This is something I found online about women and their paths in Japan:

TIMEasia published this at http://www.time.com/time/asia/covers/501050829/manga.html    

Interesting, no?  Career women envy housewives.  Little Princesses are the ultimate feminine housewife and can’t understand people who aren’t.  Desperate Housewives lead a miserable existence because their man doesn’t have it together and they have too many kids.  Bad Girls are the key to things falling apart and upping the birthrate of Japan single-handedly  Because, you know, they climbed up on themselves and got pregnant…there was no man involved in the act who should be taking responsibility for their children. <–(Sometimes, I wish there was a sarcasm font.)  The point of this cartoon is that there is no good choice for women in Japan.  I think that's an incredibly sad statement.

If a woman wants to be married.  Great.  If a woman wants to be single.  Great.  If a woman chooses to put off marriage for a while until they find the right one, regardless of age, I think that’s better than jumping in young and not fully understanding who you are, who your partner is, or what you’re really getting in to and then having kids, falling apart, and then getting a divorce. 

So, my father asked me the other day, “Do you want to get married and have kids some day?”  My response (and I stand by this) was, “Sure.  If I find the right man, someone I can see myself with for the rest of my life.  If not, there are other forms of happiness and fulfillment.”  I think that there is no age at which you no longer become valid and good person simply because you choose to be married or not.  Anybody else wonder why people worry so much about being married by a specific age?

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