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Sometimes you’ve got to wonder…

So, several things have made me miss my music, dancing, art, and writing a lot today. (I haven’t really had time to do anything for myself for a while because the end of the year is coming up and I’ve had a lot of things to do with my seniors who are leaving.) It’s kind of an odd conglomeration of things, so I wonder about my head sometimes.

Thunder clouds rolled in as white, fluffy ones rolled out this afternoon. We had a brief, and I mean under 10 minutes, sort of storm that never completely covered the brilliant sun. I’ve been cleaning with what one of my kids dubbed Squiggle Pod (SP for short), also known as my cute blue mini iPod, and listening to a lot of music. Then I found this anime while I was taking a break to eat lunch that’s all about classical music. Then the sunset was beautiful and had these brilliant reds tonight. The sky right now is a faded dusky red going to a yellow, hazy blue, and then finally to a brilliant sort of saturated azure with three perfect little whisps of clouds dotting across my window. My brother’s coming home from Turkey and Greece tonight and I baked him brownies (I’m one of those weird people where cooking/baking really makes me want to do something artistic, not to mention thinking of all the beautiful things that he probably saw). Plus, I’ve been watching anime before I go to bed to teach myself the language and tire out my eyes enough to sleep and I’ve started thinking certain phrases in Japanese, which makes me want to do an ink drawing.

All of this makes me want to play the piano (mine is in CA), sing (I’m way out of training), dance (I busted up my ankles and knees a few weeks ago and can’t really), take pictures (my camera’s out of battery, I can’t find the charger, and by the time I gave up looking the store was closed), paint (if I started I would have to finish and I don’t have time for that at this point, not if I’m sleeping tonight), draw (same issue as the painting), and/or do all of the above.

What is one to do when one is feeling super artistic but doesn’t have the time to do anything about it? It makes me wonder about having a job that is the complete opposite of my natural schedule (which would be pretty much 90% of the jobs out there since my natural schedule is to go to bed between 5-7a.m. and wake up between 11a.m.-1p.m.). I love my kids. I really really do. I know that tomorrow I’ll forget all about it or I’ll draw a little cartoon for them or something. But, with how stressed I’ve been and with how much beauty there is in the world, I want the time to express that. The problem being, if I switch to my natural schedule for one day, I will be useless for the rest of the week because I won’t be able to sleep at all. In the end, there quality of education comes before my desires to do something trivial, something that’s a hobby. But God above, do I miss having the time to do those things. I wonder if there’s any job out there that would allow me the time to be…well…I guess…me? (Don’t get me wrong, I love teaching but I’m feeling a bit run down and a bit tied down at the moment with no way to do anything about it so I’m frustrated.)

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