Sometimes holidays make you think. It has been brought to my attention by a goodly number of people the past few days that I really am getting up there in age and that I should be considering ways to make my father a papou. Now, let me start out by saying that none of these people are my father. They are friends of the family, friends of our friends, and my friends–many of whom are happily married with children.
I think people are concerned that I won’t have the joy that they have in life, and honestly, sometimes my life is a bit lonely, but it seems odd to me that just because I’m approaching my 30th birthday next June, people feel that it’s okay to just launch into this topic of conversation. Some of these people are friends of friends of friends. Seriously. Three levels of remove.
I had someone tell me the other day, “In fifteen years you’ll be forty five. Is that what you want?” I kind of blinked and said in my least sarcastic voice (while inwardly seething sarcasm), “I think it’s rather inevitable that in fifteen years I’ll by forty-four. In sixteen years I’ll be forty-five.” Their response was to ask me when I was planning to have children. My honest response is that I don’t know. I need to find the right guy to marry before I consider when I’m going to have kids with him. That just seems like straight up logic to me. Besides that fact, I’d love to know how it suddenly became everyone else’s business?
I’m happy for my friends who are happily married with kids. I’m happy for my friends who’re happily married without kids. I’m happy for my friends who are happily divorced with kids. I would like to state for the record though that I have never done anything the easy way, nor have I ever done anything on someone else’s time table. I have never wanted a normal like with a normal time frame. Would someone to share life with be nice? Sure. Is it necessary? No. I will find my own relationship (or not) in my own good time and I wish that people would simply let it be.
My father has four children. He will become a papou eventually. I will either make a family of my own or not through traditional means. I have been adept at making a family of choice my whole life. I don’t see that changing any time soon. Life is a journey, folks. We all take different paths. I’m glad that you love your path. Your path and timeline is not mine. If I find someone to walk, run, fly, swim across my path I’ll let you know. Until then, please just keep to sharing the joys and sorrows of your life, not trying to decide what mine are.